Bobby Billows, Fiasco Immense

The day that Bobby Billows bumped into his sister’s blocks
Is an awful, catastrophic day that won’t be soon forgot.

For when they toppled down upon the floor they bumped a stack:
Of library books, hazardously leaning in the back.
Those books, when toppled, nudged the chair
His sister sat upon (she knew
Not to lean but yet she dared
To set her chair askew).
It toppled too, and back she flew,
And nudged the flower pot.

The flower pot (petunias fair)
Flew gracefully down through the air
And landed with a thudding crash upon the welcome mat.
Can you guess who, languid there,
Lay sunning, lazy, unaware,
None other then – that’s right – the Billow’s cat.
The Billow’s cat (his name was Fred),
He thought his third of nine was up
He shot up, shot out, yowled and fled,
Right up the leg of Mailman Crupp.

Crupp fell backward, tripped the brake
His truck began to whine and shake
And trundle on down 16th street,
Crupp bravely chasing, fifty feet,
One hundred, two-thirty, five-forty and some
Yards flashing, mail flying, nine hundred and one
Until the fortunate pit leaped right out
And stopped the truck short, straight on its snout.

Alas, if only it ended right then.
But a package of fruit was ejected and when
It came down it looked round and found something amiss:
The conductor and crew of train two-fifty-six!

(Now right then young Bobby (this kid was a blight)
Had just settled down in his bed for the night.)

The train took off slow but then steady built steam,
Driven by ghosts, or fruit, it would seem.
Through field and forest, through pale fading light,
Then on to the coast, all the long moonlit night.
It ran out of coal just one mile from the end,
Slowed down to crawl, and came round the bend…

A cow who was staring and munching serene,
Got bumped by this deadly infernal machine.
He toppled quite slowly, still eating his lunch.
And tripped up the rest of his vast bovine bunch.
One by one, tippling and toppling through fields,
The cows wavered, wobbled, and teetered and keeled.
‘Til they bumped Granny O’Malley McPhee
Who was having her picnic right down by the sea.
An apple flew straight from her hand through the air
And decked a young man with wavy blond hair.

He fell from his tower down into the waves,
Scaring some fish, coming up in a daze.
Those fish, it would seem, took off through the deep
They bumped a small dolphin who gave out a cheep
And flew from the water, propelled by its tail,
Which smacked an old, crotchety, fusty blue whale.

(Now right then this Bobby, the agent of woe
Proceeded to breakfast, his blankey in tow.)

This whale, vindictive as any could be,
Looked about fiercely, and what did he see
But the hull of a boat, and a big one at that,
So he went right on up and he gave it a slap.
The boat careened wildly, the crew went all green
The steering froze up and they started to scream
It warbled along, yawing widely and then
It jostled quite fast down the banks of the Seine.

(Now right then this Bobby, fiasco immense,
Was eating some raisins in one of his tents.)

The cruise ship, quite casually, aimed for the dock,
The crew then leaped over, avoiding the rocks,
As the ship plowed on blithely, and upset a cart
Filled with barrels of pickles and artichoke hearts.
The barrels rolled quickly through borough and lane
Causing hysteria, panic, and sprains,
Rolled through a cafe, smashed into a chair,
And a lady’s umbrella flew high in the air.

As if in slow motion they all watched it fly,
The parasol, spear-like, arched high in the sky
And landed smack dab in a crack in the Eiffel
Which everyone thought had been only a trifle,
That is, until the crack started to spread
And grew wider, like spiderwebs, over their heads.

With creaking and groaning the whole tower fell
And the sound of the metal rang bright like a bell
The point landed fissure-first, jammed in the ground,
And the public heard then a much awfuller sound.

(Now right then young Bobby, who caused this whole mess,
Was stuffing poor Freddy into a pink dress.)

The rumbling started, first low and then loud,
And the cracking and quaking swept under the crowd.
The countries and continents severed and pounded
As an earthquake of global proportions abounded.
Asia bumped Europe and Australia loose
And the Earth broke apart all in fours, threes, and twos.

(Now right then young Bobby was floating in space
With family, Freddy, and whole human race.)

So watch where you step, son, and don’t bump her blocks
Or we might end up weightless on freshly-made rocks.

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